Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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