well I can't set my house on fire every night
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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