...so i touched it.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
