Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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