Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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