He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
