started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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