I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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