Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
