based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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