Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
