I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
