Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
