i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
