Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so let's talk penis.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
