just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize