We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
