i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
