Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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