I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
