i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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