dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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