If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
