i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
