but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
