hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
