We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
