i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
