New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
