Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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