I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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