i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize