Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
