duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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