she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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