Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
