We're facebook friends in real life
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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