dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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