i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
