dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
