epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
