Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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