As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
