I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
