i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
