I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
