it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
