I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
