I want to make a zoo with you.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
