fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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