i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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