Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
