so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
