...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
