I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
