But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize