I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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