Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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