I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize