Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
