I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
