I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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