The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
