i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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