Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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