sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
