so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize