You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize