yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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