Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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