I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
