just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You can't motorboat a personality
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
