so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
