hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's rum buckets o'clock
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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