Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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