Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
