"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize