do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
