You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
