closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
