Non-Jews are for practice
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
